


The Beginning of the End

by headlessnicks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headlessnicks/pseuds/headlessnicks
Summary: He wondered briefly which would kill him first, the gaping hole in his neck or the snake’s poison. Either way, Severus Snape would be dying tonight in the Shrieking Shack; that, he was certain.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68





	The Beginning of the End

The stench of blood was everywhere. The smell pierced through his nose, and he struggled to hold down the urge to throw up the contents of his stomach. His hands were trembling, and he could see colors, two in particular: white and red. The contrast of his blood against his pale hand was beautiful, and oddly comforting. He felt another stab of pain and let out a gurgled cry. The venom was spreading, he could feel it traveling down his chest and soon it would enter his heart. He wondered briefly which would kill him first, the gaping hole in his neck or the snake’s poison. Either way, Severus Snape would be dying tonight in the Shrieking Shack; that he was certain.

He had failed was his next thought. Albus Dumbledore had given him a mission, and he had failed. His last task had been to deliver a message to Potter, to tell him that he had always been destined to die-that the boy _had_ to die if he truly wanted to end the Dark Lord’s reign over the wizarding world. Would this mean that all was lost? Did that mean that all the people he had watched die was all for naught?

 _Get up_ , a voice said. _You started this, and you’re going to finish. Too many have lost their lives to try and win in this war, and it’s all because of you. So get up, Severus, get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Do it for Dumbledore. Do it for Lily. Get. up._

Severus felt a new strength coursing through his veins as his arm moved on its own accord, and his hands tried to staunch the wound below his neck. Arthur Wealsey had suffered the same fate not too long ago, and he had survived. Severus had to try too. He placed his trembling fingers over the snake bite, and pushed hard against it, feeling the blood pool over, through and under his palm. He had managed to stop the blood flowing out, now all he had to do was get on his feet and find Potter. _Totally doable_ , he thought.

Severus braced himself, eyes shut tight as he willed his crumpled and broken body to sit up. He felt a white hot pain spread through him as he pushed his shoulder forward. He had risen a couple inches off the floor but the pain was too much to bear that he slumped back on the wooden floor of the shack.

_Ironic, isn’t it? Years ago you’d been an inch away from staring Death in the eye in the exact place he was lying in now, except now the only difference was that Death had managed to sink its teeth into him. There wouldn’t be anyone coming to rescue him tonight. You can’t run forever, he thought. Not from Death._

Severus laughed at the irony, but what came out was a horrible sounding noise from his throat. He looked up at the dirty and cobweb-filled ceiling, and wished more than anything that he was at Hogwarts again. He should be fighting, and he should’ve been facing his death there-in his home, not in this horrible place.

And then Severus heard it. 

A soft creaking sound, moving slowly towards him. He lifted his head to look around but there was nothing. Perhaps he had imagined it, or perhaps Death had arrived at last to take him.

As the floor creaked once more, Severus stared up at a dark figure that stood before him, looked up expecting to see Death. But it wasn’t Death he saw but Lily Potter’s eyes.

They were just as striking and astonishingly beautiful as he remembered. Severus blinked, his eyes growing accustomed to the darkness. He realized, groggily, that it wasn’t Lily’s eyes but Harry Potter’s.

Eyes widening with realization at what this meant, he felt his hands reach out to grasp Potter’s robes and pulled it towards him. Severus did not believe in God, and he had too often scoffed at the very idea of luck but tonight, as he lay dying in a pool of his own blood, he believed in it. It was a miracle that Potter had showed up, and Severus believed with all of his heart it was more than a coincidence. It was luck, or fate or destiny or whatever it was Dumbledore would have claimed it to be. It was _magic_.

Severus could feel his tears prickling his eyes, he was crying. He was crying for so many things. He was crying because he hadn’t failed yet, he was crying because he wanted to tell Potter how sorry he felt for killing Dumbledore, he was crying because he knew that Lily Potter’s little boy would eventually have to suffer the same fate as him, worse even. But most of all, Severus was crying because tonight he wouldn’t be dying alone.

The boy had come for him. He had come, even though he hated Severus. Potter was on his knees, hunched over as he tried his hardest to stop the bleeding. Even after everything, this boy-no, this _man_ was doing all he could to save him. All these years he had been blind to the fact, he had pretended not to have seen how much alike Lily and her son were because to admit it would have been excruciating for him. No, he had chosen not to have seen her in him because it made it easier to hate the boy. But Harry Potter was exactly as Lily had been, he had her kindness, her goodness, and all of her light in him. 

Severus felt memories spilling from his mind, and out onto his face. They looked like white wisps of clouds trailing over his face. He begged Potter to take it, and he watched as he captured all of it into a small vial. The blood had slowed, and Severus could feel as though there was nothing left in him. When the last trail of memory was caught within the vial, Severus mustered a small smile.

It was done. Dumbledore’s last request had been fulfilled, and Severus felt the need to fight vanish from his mind. He could see a warm bright light hovering over him, growing bigger and bigger by the second. He could hear children’s laughter echoing through the shack. This was it, he thought. This was the end.

”Look...at...me,” he whispered.

Potter looked at him, really looked. There was sorrow there in his eyes, and immense guilt and doubt and suffering. How could a little boy feel as deeply as this? It took Severus a second to pierce through the veil behind the green eyes and then he felt it. A burst of warmth and light hit him as Lily Evan’s eyes stared back at him. After years of waiting, years of longing, he could finally see her again.

 _Close your eyes now_ , he heard someone say. _Close your eyes and rest now, Severus._

He felt his grip on fabric slacken and Severus did as the voice said.

He closed his eyes.

***  
He opened his eyes.

Severus sat up, his hands reaching out to touch his neck in alarm. But there was nothing; no snakebite, no blood, nothing. Not even a scar. He had had a nightmare, he reasoned. It had been awful, and he was grateful that he was awake now.

He glanced at his surrounding now, and realized that there was nothing. Wherever he was, it was blank. And then images flashed through his mind.

The Dark Lord waving his wand. Nagini clamping her fangs down onto his neck. Potter kneeling over him, helping him. And then...nothing.

”I’m dead,” he said aloud to no one.

”I’m dead!” he shouted this time, and found that he did not care. He was dead, but it didn’t matter. Potter had been given Severus’ memories and he would know what he had to do.

”I’m afraid you are, Severus,” came a voice from behind him.

Severus swallowed, and blinked back tears at the familiar sound of the voice. He had longed to hear the voice for so long that he could not believe it, even as he turned to face the man that had spoken.

Albus Dumbledore was standing there in midnight-blue robes covered to the brim with stars, looking as every bit as ridiculous as he had when he had been alive. His arms were stretched out and wore a big smile across his face. Despite everything, Severus smiled.

“I did as you asked, Headmaster. I gave Potter the information-I gave him everything he needed to...to do what he has to do.”

His chest felt a little lighter.

”Yes,” said Dumbledore, “yes you did, Severus.”

They stared at each other for a moment.

”I died. The Dark L- _Voldemort_ killed me,” Severus said unflinchingly.

Dumbledore nodded, his smile fading.

”I so hoped that you would survive, Severus. All this time I’ve been up here watching...you must know that I never intended for Voldemort to kill you. Alas, it seemed he had other plans for you...”

“He killed me because he thought I was the true master of the Elder Wand. Was he right? Did you leave the wand to me?”

”You always were so clever. Yes, I admit that was my intention...the Wand deserved to go to somebody worthy and there was no one else but you. You who willingly sacrificed your soul to save me from a painful death, you who have everything without expecting anything in return. If anybody deserved to own the Elder wand, it was you-“

”-but I wouldn’t have wanted it! I don’t care if you wanted me to have it, I never would have needed it! I gave my loyalty to you, I was yours because you promised me justice for Lily. Everything I did was for her. No wand, powerful or not, would have kept me from the path I was on.”

“And that, Severus, is precisely why you make a better wizard than I. Men like you, and Harry, who understand what you must do and do it without fear. I was a fool, I had kept the wand from Harry because I thought he would be weak like me and stray from his path. I planned for you to be the keeper of the Elder Wand without telling you, because I feared the moment you knew you would change your course in the war. I was a fool to have doubted either of you, because you and Harry are made of stuff stronger than I will ever know. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me...”

”I forgive you, Dumbledore. I’ve found harboring grudges and hatred has made me rather exhausted. You did what you had to do to ensure Potter’s victory in the war. And I forgive you.”

Dumbledore had started to tear up now, and Severus looked away uncomfortably.

”Where are we, anyway?” he asked.

Dumbledore walked towards him, and placing an arm across his back began to guide him forwards.

”That is up to you, Severus. We are here, in your consciousness, and you decide where we are. Close your eyes, I find that usually helps.”

Severus did as the headmaster said and clenched his eyes shut. He inhaled the air, and could smell wet grass and the chirping of birds. As his eyes snapped open, it was as though he was looking at an image captured from an old memory. He was standing on an empty playground that he had so frequently visited during his childhood. He looked across to where an old, rusty swing-set stood tall against the thicket of trees behind it.

”This is where I first saw her. Where I saw Lily,” he whispered and felt Dumbledore’s hand patting him gently.

”Why are we here?” he asked, facing Dumbledore.

”When we die, our consciousness unknowingly brings us to a moment in time for one last time. I do not know why, but I do know that within this time jump, our consciousness allows us to perform a single final act before we move on from this reality and into the next,” Dumbledore replied as he walked towards the swing-set.

Severus followed quietly.

”And this final act...say I wanted to see someone again? Someone who’s dead? Will I be able to?” he asked after some time.

”Our minds work in mysterious ways. Your consciousness would be able to do extraordinary magic here, so if what you wanted was to see a particular person I don’t see why it shouldn’t work.”

“And all I’d have to do is-?”

”Close your eyes, it will happen naturally.”

”What about you? What did you see?” Severus inquired, curious about the man he had gotten to know only after his death.

Dumbledore did not answer.

”The Skeeter woman-she wrote plenty about you and...Grindelwald,” Severus said, regretting bringing it up now as Dumbledore’s face fell, “did you-did you see your sister?”

Dumbledore shook his head, his eyes fixed to the skies above them.

”I was a coward, I admit, even in death I couldn’t bring myself to see Ariana. I opted instead to see the castle one last time, and it surprised me when three other guests appeared along with it. Lily, James and Sirius,” he added, watching as Severus’ eyebrows travelled higher over his forehead.

”I hadn’t planned on it but I believe my sub-conscious had generated them because their deaths had been what haunted me most.”

”What did they say?”

”Not much, I did most of the talking. I apologized to them, to Lily and James for not delivering them the protection I had promised. Had I insisted on being their Secret Keeper that night, Peter Pettigrew would never have been able to betray them. And Sirius, well Merlin knows how much I have regretted what I had made him do...making a man as proud as Sirius to be locked away in a house he so despised, and let him watch as witches and wizards younger than him fought against Voldemort. I shouldn’t have isolated him, it was because of me that he was killed at the Ministry that night.”

Severus strode forwards and took the older man’s hand in his own.

”The Potters loved and trusted their friends too much to even consider one of them to be a traitor. No words, not even yours, would have changed their opinion. As for Black, he was a prideful, reckless fool who loved Potter as his own. He’d have been there fighting to save him that night no matter if he’d been living in his mother’s house or the Leaky Cauldron. It’s war, Dumbledore, and war brings casualties. It wasn’t your fault,” Severus spoke without a hint of doubt in his voice.

Dumbledore smiled.

”That is something along the lines of what they said to me too, I believe. But enough about me, Severus. You have something to do, I believe.”

With a jerk of his head, Severus pulled away from Dumbledore. He stood a little distance away from the other man, and closed his eyes. He first thought desperately of red hair and green eyes but another image was pushing through, interrupting his focus.

”Well, this certainly wasn’t who I’d expected to see,” he heard Dumbledore say.

Severus opened his eyes to see a small figure standing in front of him. Instead of a woman with red hair, he was staring a boy with dirty, unkempt and jet-black hair that reached his shoulders. Instead of the familiar green eyes, he was looking into a cold and dark pair.

”Where are we?” asked the six year old Severus Snape, looking at him coldly, as though afraid his adult self would swoop an attack on him.

The sight of himself made Severus so taken aback that he he felt his legs buckle and give in underneath him. His knees made contact with the ground below with an ugly crunching noise. He gasped and paced. He felt as though he had just seen a ghost. The ghost of his boy-self.

”Dead,” Severus croaked, “we’re dead. This is the in-between.”

The boy blinked at him, unsure of Severus’ response. He looked around him, and Severus couldn’t help but smile sadly at the state of his other self. His younger self was wearing an ugly smock with fraying edges that his mother had cut off to make it appear “presentable”, and over it he had thrown on one of his father’s old coats that was twice the size of him.

He suppressed a laugh as he realized that it was no wonder that Petunia had hated him, that she had kept her distance away. He looked dirty and poverty-ridden, and yet Lily had befriended him. She hadn’t cared, not once.

”How did we die?” his younger self asked.

Severus reached forward and traced with two fingers across the boy’s thin neck, where Nagini had bit into him.

”It was a snake. Got us right here.”

The boy followed over the spot Severus had touched, but he didn’t look too bothered about it.

”And Lily? Did you make sure the snake couldn’t get to her?” young Severus asked.

Severus frowned, and shook his head.

”She died before us. Years before, in fact.”

The boy looked far more shaken up hearing about Lily’s death than his own.

”Did you try to save her? You must know a lot of spells and potions-did you-you did try to save her?” the boy asked in an accusatory tone.

Severus wiped away a tear from his eye with the back of hand and looked away in shame.

”I did know a lot of spells, more than you can ever imagine but not a single one helped me to save her. I won’t lie to you and tell you I was heroic and that I did everything I could do save her because I didn’t. It was my fault she died. But I spent the rest of my life trying to make up for costing her her life. Nothing I did ever made up for my mistake, and I ended up making more mistakes but in the end I gave my life trying to undo it. I wasn’t a very good man, but I died trying to do what I had been asked to.”

The boy stepped closer to him.

”Did you manage to do it before you died? The things you had been asked to?”

”Yes,” Severus said sniffling, “yes, I did.”

Content with the answer, the boy gave him a satisfactory nod.

”Did you do everything at Hogwarts? Were we in Slytherin?” he asked him now, eager and delight obvious in his small face.

”Almost everything,” Severus said, “I got into Slytherin, and I made a bunch of friends. Loads. I was almost always top of the class, we’re really good at Potions by the way, and invented new spells and fought in wars.”

”What didn’t you do then?” the child asked, tilting his head curiously as he counted off what Severus had said.

Severus reached out to push a strand of hair from his younger self’s face with fondness.

”I forgot to tell Lily that I loved her. And then when I lost her, I didn’t try and get her back. I did everything we wanted except to always be friends with Lily.”

The boy seemed to mull over what he had said now.

”But you did try to fix it? Afterwards?” he asked.

Severus nodded.

”And mother and father? Did they ever stop fighting?”

”No, no they never stopped. But mother died, and after a while father left. And we never see him again. It didn’t make a difference in the slightest.”

”Oh, I believe you. So what happens now?”

Severus turned to Dumbledore who had been watching the two of them so closely.

”Headmaster?” Severus asked.

”You say goodbye, and then we’ll leave. Together,” Dumbledore replied reassuringly.

”Severus,” he whispered, his fingers grazing the tiny little boy’s pale and sallow face.

”Yeah?”

”I think I wanted to see you again because I needed to tell you something.”

”Tell me what?”

And Severus had leaned forward to catch the boy in a tight embrace. He held the boy in his arms, and felt him shake against his chest. Severus felt tears dripping down his nose as he heard the boy shuddering, and then they were both weeping against one another. He knew what his young self craved more than anything, what he had always wanted but never gotten. Severus could give himself what little comfort he could now, before he was gone forever.

”I love you,” he whispered into the boy’s ear’ “I love you even if no one else does. Alright?”

”Yes,” the boy breathed back.

Severus clenched his jaw, and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he was hugging the air.

”Ready, Severus?”

Severus stood up now, and brushed off the wetness on his face on the back of his sleeve.

”Yes, headmaster.”

And with that, Severus Snape walked into the unknown, ready at last to face whatever it was that waited for him on the other side.


End file.
